I’m going to be a little bit vulnerable in this post because if I’m honest I truly believe I’ve spent too much time trying to make my life look beautiful and perfect and easy. The truth is I struggle every day. I currently work two jobs, on average between 50-60 hours a week and that doesn’t include the full time mommy gig. At the end of a typical week, I spend 6 days at work and over 3 hours commuting. On top of that, in true overachiever Desirea fashion, I am also the Manager of IHOP’s co-ed softball team, and participate in weekly games. I volunteer with and run social media accounts for a local non-profit, sit on the Materials Recovery Facilities board for my city, just got accepted into graduate school for my M.B.A. and am attempting to write a semi-successful blog. Time is my friend and my enemy. I struggle to juggle everything, while I continuously agree to more and more. I’m a yes man. It’s a terrible habit and I’d love to break it but I’m still concentrating on not biting my nails. (2 years at it and it is still a daily struggle). My point is, I’ve got a lot going on and this blog has been taking the back burner for the last month and I regret that it has to be that way. But there are some key things I’ve been working on that I honestly believe have been beneficial to me, and I’d like to share them with you.
The first one I’m sure is going to surprise anyone that knows me, but I have been working on reducing my caffeine intake, in specifics, COFFEE. Let me set the record straight, I don’t hate coffee or have anything against it. On the contrary, I love it very much and relied on it HEAVILY for most of my adult life. However, it was negatively affecting my life in more ways than I think I realized. I was getting headaches when I would go without, I would drink coffee all day and then not eat (Caffeine is an appetite suppressant who knew?) and I would have terrible stomach issues all day long. I was unable to relax, consistently jittery, snappy, and impatient. I read an article one day about the negative effects of coffee and caffeine and realized holy shit I’m just making things worse for myself, and I truly was. Since I’ve stopped drinking coffee and began truly watching my caffeine intake, I realized the toll it was taking on me and my body. Yes, I am absolutely 1000% feeling the effects of my tired-ness and lack of sleep more but I’m also feeling like myself more. I traded my coffee for an afternoon nap, and I’ll never go back.
The second change I’ve made recently is to really concentrate on lowering my screen time usage, specifically my phone. I started by turning my phone completely off on my day off, taking the time to truly enjoy my life, my daughter and our adventures. It all began when one day my phone accidentally died and I was without it the whole day. I realized I was able to relax easier and truly engage in play with Arya. My phone can be a distraction from making real connections. It can interfere with responding to the needs of my family. I’ve now set a lock down mode on my phone from 5-8 p.m. so that I am more mindful of every time I choose to use it. Recently, I read a really interesting article on the effects of parents technology usage on their children, and confirmed my belief that even though my usage of technology wasn’t severely interfering with my life and my ability to parent, I didn’t want to let it get to that point. I didn’t want to be one of the parents in the article, I wanted to be better. So I made the choice to watch my technology use, and to take the time to notice how different I feel, how much more heard Arya feels, and how much more connected I feel to my family. When I ignore Arya’s bid for attention, or my significant others bid of connection because I’m “reading something”, I am telling them that I value whatever I’m looking at more than I value our relationships and that is simply not the truth.
The last change I’ve been trying to concentrate on lately has been extremely difficult because of who I am as a person and my behavior traits. I am a worrier, a constant worrier. I imagine the worst case scenario almost every time. However, a lot of time this creates unnecessary stress on myself and those around me. While I know I cannot change who I am and I probably wont ever be able to erase the worries, I can change how I manage them. A lot of my worries or anxieties result from my need for control. Lately, I’ve been trying to count to 10 before I react. I’ve been trying to shut down the snowball effect of my worrying by acknowledging my worries as they come, and deciding whether it is something within my control or not. Frequently I will get myself all jacked up about something I have absolutely no control over and couldn’t change even if I wanted to. If it is within my control, I try and create an action plan with steps and a timeline. If it is outside of my control, I let it go. WHAT? I know crazy, but I really have been trying to just let it go. You have to learn to select your thoughts like you select your food at lunch. What thought is going to make me feel full, energized, and content rather than anxious, nervous, tense? What thought is better for my well-being? I’ve got too much on my plate to waste any more time on unnecessary worries and it honestly creates a lot of continuous toxic stress for myself. I’ve been using a few affirmations to get me through the day including:
I have faith that everything will work out.
I am not alone in my struggles.
How ever big the mountain, I can climb it.
Feelings are just visitors, and I let them go.
I am a powerful manifestor. All that I dream and desire is in the process of materializing into my reality in perfect divine timing.
A growth-mindset is one of the key characteristics of a successful person. It’s important to do your best to be self aware, even when the truth makes you uncomfortable. Small changes can have a ripple effect on the rest of your life. I know that I am modeling how to be a successful adult and a caring mother to my daughter every single day. I hope my old self knows that I love her, and I’m learning from her mistakes and her past experiences and that I will continue to make progress. I will never stop asking the hard questions and making the necessary changes. I will never stop reflecting and growing because I know who is watching me and I have big dreams for that little girl.
