Birthdays are a VERY big deal to me. Every since I was a little girl I have believed there is something so special about an entire day dedicated to celebrating and loving a person. Honestly, I love celebrating other people’s birthdays almost as much as I love celebrating mine. Deep down I think it’s important that people feel the extra love on that day and throughout their birthday celebrations because too often life humbles us. We all need that yearly reminder of how truly unique, wonderful, and loved we are.
My daughter’s birthday is on August 28th and her dad’s is the following day, August 29th. This leads to quite a busy month of for me, as I prep and plan for back to back birthday’s and how to coordinate the celebrations the best. Birthdays are a favorite of mine but they also are a cause of a lot of stress and anxiety for me. Typically I get this grand idea in my head of how the day is going to go and those expectations often lead me down a dark, dark road of snapping at someone about decorations with my stomach in knots, and hands shaking as a I stream the streamers. The rational part of my brain knows that it’s just ONE DAY out of the whole year and is in no way THE DAY that proves my undying love for my family. But the irrational part of my brain says that if everything isn’t perfect, no one will know how great of a mom I am. Yes, that is how quickly my anxiety driven brain goes from “This is going to be so much fun.” to “I’m a bad mom. I should have thought of this/did this differently/blah blah blah.”
This year my mindset was different.
I wasn’t going to let my anxiety induced struggles steal my joy.
I was determined to let go of all expectations and just let loose.
7 Tips for Mamas Struggling with Birthday Party Anxiety
Prep Time: Give yourself plenty!
All those last minute details that you’re going to save for tomorrow? Save for today! 10 last minute things adds up to hours of prep time. Don’t leave all the small tasks to the day before the party, or even the week before the party. I repeat: Anything that can be done ahead of time, do it. There is nothing that can ruin a good mood quicker than trying to get a million things done before your family arrives. It’s like the quick cleanup of the house when you have unexpected company; never fun and never thorough. Make sure when you go to bed the night before, anything that could have been done, is. You will be grateful when morning comes and you aren’t anxiously hanging balloons as your guests are calling for last minute directions! One of my favorite moments of Arya’s whole birthday party this year was her Aunt arriving and saying to me “Wow. You seem so much less stressed than last year. You’re actually happy to see us.”
Theme Schmeme
Birthday party themes are cool and all because they allow you to label the party and center your decorations, invites, etc around something concrete but it also puts a lot of pressure on parents to make everything match the theme. Remember, kids are easily pleased. Don’t let Pinterest pressure you into matching your snacks to your Barbie Lakehouse birthday theme. Ask yourself: Am I doing this extra work for my child’s happiness or for the cute picture I can post on Instagram after? If you even hesitate when asking that question, skip whatever it is. It’s extra. All that extra busyness just distracts from the real purpose: celebrating a loved one. A good way to keep yourself from going overboard with the themed decorations is to keep all your birthday banners and decorations from the previous parties. This is not only environmentally conscious, it also helps cut down the costs of the party because after a couple parties your birthday box should be full of re-usable birthday fun!
Let go of that “Pinterest Perfect Pressure”
Speaking of Pinterest pressure, Pinterest is the bomb. There is no denying that I love to use it as a resource for so many things, especially birthday party planning. However, the Pinterest party pictures are mom guilting moms into thinking their parties are not good enough. No, Pinterest itself isn’t pointing it’s fingers at moms telling them their party isn’t fancy enough, but it is showing us so many beautiful possibilities that we are doing it ourselves. We are our own worst critics. Let it go. Just because it can be done, doesn’t mean it has to or it should. Use it as an inspiration, not as an expectation.
Food: Go simple, quick, and easy!
If truth be told, I am no Bree Vandecamp. I’m more of a Lynette. Arya’s first few birthday parties I intensely worried about the food. What kind to serve, how much did I need, what kind of allergies did my guests have, will it be good enough? It resulted in a lot of unneeded worry and leftovers. This year I decided I was going to spend less than 30 minutes in the kitchen prepping and getting ready and that is exactly what I did. I had grown tired of missing out on time with guests because I was busy checking the oven and pulling stuff out etc etc. Trust me when I say this: No one cares that the Mac N cheese was microwaved or that the pulled pork was packaged.
Bigger isn’t always better!
When it comes to birthday party’s we often think, the bigger the better but as a mom who has now successfully planned and executed four of these bad boys, I now know bigger = more stressors. This year our guest list had to shrink to mostly immediate family. At first I was bummed that so many of our friends and family couldn’t celebrate the big day with us but in the end it allowed me to spend so much more individualized time with my family and feel less like a crazy hostess running around making sure everyone had eaten and knew where the bathroom was.
Be Present in the moment!
The last thing you’re going to want is for all your birthdays to be a big blur when you go back to remember them. You definitely don’t want the only thing you remember clearly to be what your guests ate and who arrived early and/or late. You’ll want to remember the smile on your kids face as they look around at all the people that love them. You’ll want to remember your family sitting around the table sharing stories of you as kid. You’ll want to remember the little things. You can’t do that if you are too busy facilitating the party like a flight attendant. Stop the thought spirals in their tracks and just stay in the moment. These are the moment’s that make up our life and we are always rushing through them. Don’t just water the garden and forget to smell the flowers.
Breathe
Most of the small details you are worrying about, no one else has even noticed. You are not crazy, you just care. It’s okay. You’re a great mom, even if you don’t have a Paw Patrol themed cake. Expectations are just expectations. You’re a great mom, even if you don’t have a big party. You’re a great mom, if you do have a big party. You’re a great mom.You’re doing your best. Your kids know they are loved. That is enough. Breathe.
